I wasn't sure if I would blog about my pregnancy and birth experience with him because it was such an emotional time for me, but then I figured that I should in order to remember the experience in detail. I will warn you though that it is hard for me even now to talk (or write) about and this post is not eloquent and may ramble at times.
Our journey with Axl began as a surprise as we did not think that we were ready yet to venture back into pregnancy and having a new born around last April when we discovered we were expecting again.
My pregnancy started out horrific as I was very sick and exhausted from what seemed like the day I found out I was pregnant. I was a little worried because we had already paid for a trip to Disney World and I didn't think I would be able to fly and deal with the humidity in Florida while I felt so crummy. Two desperate attempts at acupuncture however left me feeling good as new. :) At this point I was convinced I was having a little girl because I was so sick when I was pregnant with Olive and not so much when I was pregnant with Logan. When I saw the doctor on June 8, she told me that my due date was December 27, 2011 although according to my calculations I really thought my due date was January 1, 2012. I had an ultrasound to confirm the due date, and according to the ultrasound my due date was changed to December 25, 2011. This pregnancy continued on as normal and we decided not to find out the sex of the baby ahead of time and instead wait for a surprise. This is something I had always wanted to do, but never really had the will power.
At 19 weeks we had our first scheduled ultrasound and we were excited because it was our first 3D ultrasound. We were having a 3D ultrasound because early on in my pregnancy (before I knew I was pregnant) I had received a steroid shot in my ear to stunt the growth of a keloid that I had had for ages. As it turns out, the steroid is known to cause cleft lip/palate when provided to pregnant women early in the first trimester. Although I wasn't really worried about a cleft because the timing was off by about three weeks, I still wanted to be sure that way we could know what we were dealing with. During the ultrasound both Scott and I thought we knew for sure we were having a little girl. Scott thought this because he didn't see any "boy parts"...and remember Scott has dubbed himself the resident expert "Ultrasoundologist." and I thought girl because I was sure I saw girl parts aka three white lines. The Ultra sound tech took all of her pictures and then left to show everything to the dr.. The ultrasound tech said our due date based on this scan was December 28, 2011. We were expecting the dr. to come in and talk to us about the cleft lip issue and so were not alarmed when she walked in the door five minutes later. She discussed with us the medicine (steroid) I had taken and the possibility of a cleft lip but didn't see any indication of a cleft on the ultrasound and then told us that she wanted to discuss "another finding that had shown up during the ultrasound." My heart sank. She told us that the tech had noticed two fluid filled pockets on the baby's brain, in an area called the Choroid Plexus. She said that the cysts, as they are called, are not concerning in that they are not known to cause brain problems or problems with learning, speech, memory, personality etc. However, the Choroid Plexus Cysts cause more of a problem of association, meaning that their presence is correlated to the baby having a severe chromosomal abnormality called Trisomy 18. She then went on to tell us that Trisomy 18 is considered "incompatible with life" meaning that babies with this condition most often die in utero and if they do survive birth then they will die with-in hours to days afterwards because their bodies are so severely defected they are not able to function correctly. The good news, the dr. said, is that most often when the cysts are present in Trisomy 18 babies there are also other indications such as a defective heart, kidneys, and stomach as well as clinched hands and toes and severe growth restriction. Our baby did not show any signs of the other soft markers. The doctor suggested that we run some blood tests to calculate my risk of having a baby with a chromosomal defect and also repeat the Ultra Sound in four weeks to see if any of the defects showed up. She also suggested that I have an amniocentisis in order to know for sure. I declined the amnio as there is a risk of miscarriage associated with it. I of course was terrified and went home in tears and immediately started researching on the internet. I spent the three days doing nothing but looking up Choroid Plexus Cysts and Trisomy 18 online. This just made my fears worse and really sent me into a panic. Scott was not worried, as our blood test results indicated that my risk was the same as a 20 year old and he is more practical in realizing that the worry would do us no good considering there was nothing we could do about it anyway. So we had our follow up ultrasound and everything looked great, the doctor told me that no further testing was necessary and that we would watch and wait. If I started to show signs of growth restriction then we would consider amnio. At 28 weeks pregnant my uterus size began to fall off of it's curve and I began to measure small at each appointment. Here comes the worry again. I was not measuring significantly small, but on average about two weeks early at each appointment. At 34 weeks I had a repeat ultrasound and everything looked great, the baby was big and healthy with a new estimated due date of December 19th. It was at this ultrasound that I began to suspect that I was having a little boy, as Logan always measured big on ultrasounds and I knew there was absolutely no way that I had conceived this baby early enough to have a due date of December 19.
For about three weeks I felt really good about my decision not to have amnio and really positive that our baby was healthy. Then around 37 weeks I started to become anxious and depressed again. I asked Scott to sit with me and consider how we would tell our children if it turned out that our baby did not survive. I was an emotional wreck and fought hard to keep back the tears when ever Logan and Olive would talk about our baby and ask when the baby was going to get here. As our due date approached and passed I worried more. Babies with Trisomy 18 also have a defective placenta, and the placenta is responsible for triggering labor when it is ready. Trisomy 18 babies and subsequently placentas often have to be induced because the placenta will not release the hormone to trigger labor. Sigh. More worry. Honestly every day after my 19 week ultrasound I would cry and worry about my "surprise baby" that when I found out I was pregnant I wasn't sure I was ready for and now I was in desperation because this baby was all I really wanted at the moment. I would cry and pray every day as I took a shower and drove to and from work, asking God to provide me with the strength I needed to survive this trial with grace and dignity and to provide a source of strength for Logan, Olive and Scott. Even though I knew I would be devastated if I lost my baby, I was so concerned with sparing my family and my other babies from that heart ache and pain.
At 40 weeks my midwife ordered a routine ultrasound for babies that go over due and everything looked great. The baby was still growing well and was able to open and close it's hands...a sign that they were not clinched and that the baby was thriving. All of the tests came back normal, so we decided to continue to wait and see if the baby would come out without induction. I wanted to wait because I wanted to deliver our baby in the Natural Birthing Center at Lovelace Women's Hospital. However, the only way to deliver there is to go into labor on your own and not have any pain medicine...oh and also not to be more than 40 weeks and 6 days pregnant. So I was willing to wait but hoping to go into labor on my own before 41 weeks. I decided that if I made it to 41 weeks then I would ask to be induced.
So, 41 weeks came and went. Every night up until that point as I went to bed I kept hoping that I would wake up in the middle of the night in immense labor pain...no such luck. As the days passed I continued to worry more and more. I had an appointment with my mid-wife on Wednesday January 4th and I asked to be induced. My plan was to be induced on the 5th because that is the day my mid-wife is on call and delivers babies. However, she informed me that she was working the West Side hospital on the 5th and so suggested I be induced right away. She called labor and delivery and they told me to go over immediately. I WASN'T ready. I told her I had to go home first and say good bye to Logan and Olive and pick up my husband. So, I was supposed to check in at 9:00 am and instead I checked in at 10:00. When my midwife called labor and delivery at 8:30 they had plenty of empty delivery rooms, when I checked in at 10:00 I got the last one! I guess it was going to be a busy day on the floor.
My midwife warned me that a lot of over-due babies don't due well with Misoprostil (the drug they used to induce me) and to not worry that any complications were due to the baby possibly having Trisomy 18. So the deal with Miso, as it is called, is it is placed on your cervix and you lay down for two hours while it dissolves and the baby's heart rate is monitored. It is not expected to start labor until after the first two hours. So after two hours you then get up and walk around to try to get things moving. I knew the whole drill as this is how I was successfully induced with Olive. So I had my first dose at 11 and laid in bed till 1. Then Scott and I walked around until 3 when we went back to check for progress...no progress time for the 2nd dose. At some point as I was laying there being monitored the nurse came in and told me that the baby's heart rate had decelerated and she wanted me to switch positions. I had a meltdown, I was so scared that that meant my baby had Trisomy 18. I cried and the nurse tried very hard to comfort me. After switching positions the baby did great. I laid in bed until 5:30 and then Scott, Camella (our Doula) and I walked to Souper Salad for dinner and then back at 7:30 to check for progress. Still no progress. The third dose was placed at 8:00 and at 8:30 I started having contractions. I knew that the contractions were from the 2nd dose and not the 3rd as it takes at least two hours for each dose to work...uh oh. I was scared because they had already placed the 3rd dose and there was no way to take it out. At around 9:00 the nurse came back in and wanted me to drink a lot of juice and go on oxygen because the baby wasn't moving very much and they were concerned again. So I drank the juice and had the oxygen and the baby woke up so all was well. I laid in bed until about 10:15 having some pretty intense contractions and laying down during them is not an effective coping strategy for me. So at 10:15 I decided to get up and walk around. This helped the contractions and even though they were intense I had still not made a lot of progress. I was still at 2cm. Geeze. We walked around with the Doula and walked three flights of stairs twice. After the second time, I told Scott and Camella that I was exhausted and didn't think I could do "this" anymore. "This" meaning labor. At this point my contractions were about 90 seconds apart and lasting for about 1 minute. At 11:15 we went back to the room so I could take a bath or shower. I had a few really hard contractions while waiting for the tub to fill and then at 11:40 I told my Doula that I had to push. Sometime during the pushing my water broke and it had meconium...great another sign of Trisomy 18.
And now the best part of the story, at 11:57 our beautiful baby was born. I didn't look as the mid-wife held him up high and instead I looked to Scott and asked him to tell me what it was, Scott's response was the highlight of the night...he said "it's a...it's a...it's a boy?" I was so delighted. Axl was placed on my chest as the midwife cut the cord and I was so worried because he was not crying. I started crying and begging him to cry and that is when Camella pointed out to me how perfectly healthy and alert he was. Then the NICU nurse took him to the warming bed to suction out his lungs and belly (due to the meconium) and look him over. I could hear her talking to Scott pointing out all the things they would look for in a baby with Trisomy 18. I heard her say that he had a Simean crease on one of his hands...another sign of Trisomy 18...but that every thing else looked just perfect. She then gave him back to me and in that moment everything was perfect. I held him and examined his every inch and couldn't see the "crease" she was talking about.
When I checked in to the hospital that morning, the nurse had written some information on a white board, basically her name and the midwifes name and the "goal for the day" was to "have a baby." I was so proud of myself when I realized that I had met the "goal" and had our baby on 4th! Axl weighed in at 7'1 oz and was 20 inches long.
The odd thing about my pregnancy is that even though I was such an emotional wreck, physically I felt great. I continued to walk between 5 and 8 miles every day, I could sleep great and Logan and Olive made it so much fun. Olive liked to lift my shirt and ask to see my baby, and Logan kept insisting that we were having a baby boy and every time I would tell him I thought it was a girl he would cry. When I called Logan and Olive on the 5th to tell them we had a baby boy, Logan said "Yay, my mommy bought me a baby brother."
I told very few people about my ordeal during the pregnancy and was very careful not to tell my family ( my mom and dad, in law's etc) as I did not want to burden them with the worry as I was burdened. I wish so much that the doctor would have never told me about the cysts and even sometimes wish I didn't have the ultrasound at all.
